How to Annoy a Rozen Maiden and Live
by Hikari no Destany
Summary: This is the guide on how to annoy the dolls...and live. Mostly  failed  humour.
1. Suigintou

How to Annoy a Rozen Maiden and Live

A new story. Yes. And, because, like everyone, I've got stupid writer's block over one tiny bit, Vertrauen is on an un-noted hiatus. Meaning that it is on hiatus, but it isn't.

Now this, is a multi chapter, parody/humour, list about how to-look, just read the title. First up, Suigintou.

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1. The most obvious, call her a piece of junk. How to live: Run or blackmail Shinku to fight her while you make your getaway. Added bonus: If Suigintou makes Shinku turn and attack you too.

2. Make fun of Megu. How to live: Run or hide. Added bonus: If Megu chases you too, although that seems unlikely.

3. Tell her Shinku was calling. How to live: Okay, Running is always going to be an option. Added bonus: Shinku chases you as well.

4. Tell her that Father called and said that she was Alice. How to live: Run, hide, hide behind the other dolls. Added bonus: If the other dolls chase and/or attack you as well.

5. Pluck all her feathers in her sleep, strip her, and dress her like a clown. How to live: Run like hell...or get on a plane and fly to Timbuktu. Added bonus: None really...unless Rozen appears and starts chasing you as well for changing the clothes he gave her. But that's stupid.

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Short chapter to start. Hope you enjoyed my (failed) attempt at humour. Until next time! ^_^

Next Time: Kanaria


	2. Kanaria

How to Annoy a Rozen Maiden and Live

This chapter, learn how to annoy and survive the wrath of Kanaria, self proclaimed smartest and brainiest of the Rozen Maidens.

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1. Make fun of her violin skills. How to live: Run, hide, or sic another doll on her. Added bonus: If that doll starts to chase you as well.

2. Make fun of the clothes Micchan dressed her in. How to live: Run, hide or go to Mexico and change your name. Suggestions: Eduardo, or Maria for girls. Added bonus: If Micchan chases you too.

3. Make fun of Micchan's omelettes. How to live: Even though I'm still going to write it, just remember that you can always run. You may also try hiding every time, or most of the time, or hiding behind/forcing another doll on them. Added bonus: If it has anything to do with Micchan, she will chase you. And if you do hide behind/force another doll on her, they may join her. 'May' being the operative word here.

4. Make fun of Micchan. How to live: Run, hide, hide behind blah blah blah. You know what to do. Added bonus: See #3

5. Tease her about losing to Barasuishou. How to live: Should I tell you? Added bonus: Most of the others would have been beaten by her, so they'll probably chase you as well.

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Another short chapter, but they will get longer. Thank you for this chappie. Till next time!

Next time: Suiseiseki


	3. Suiseiseki

How to Annoy a Rozen Maiden and Live

Thank you to **Sin Oan **and** cherryblossomroses **for their reviews of the last two chapters. This chapter is going to be longer since Suiseiseki is easily annoyed.

...Damn, I just gave it away! *sigh* Oh well. This is Suiseiseki's chapter.

Warning: All of these have been tried and tested by a team of idiots that no-one will miss. While it is a crime to harm animals, it isn't a crime to harm and/or kill idiots...just a note for the lawyers, because some of these techniques are dangerous, and no sane person would test them.

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1. Draw on her watering can, just like Hina did. How to live: Run, hide, or get Souseiseki to calm her down. Added bonus: In case you also did #1 in the next chapter (Guess), then she'll chase you too. Hina will as well when Suiseiseki asks why she did it when she didn't.

2. Call her a 'demonic doll' like Jun. That should get a reaction. How to live: Again, run, and, and all these will feature this one, have Souseiseki calm her down. Added bonus: Maybe Souseiseki. Her sister would force her.

3. While she's in the room, prey loudly to Satan to take back his demon doll, or anything along those lines. How to live: You could also prey that you get protection, but Satan's an ignorant bastard that only listens to what he wants to listen to. So, in that case, resort to the three classics; run, hide, and Souseiseki. Added bonus: Anybody really. If you don't use the term 'doll' people might think your talkin' bout them.

4. Tell her that her dress makes her look fat. How to live: Run for the hills. And if she finds you in Mexico and finds out you're not Eduardo/Maria, she will hurt you. Did you know that watering can's pure gold? Added bonus: Anyone who wears the same/a similar dress.

5. Tell her Suigintou is coming to take her Rosa Mystica. How to live: She'll probably wait a few days, watering can at the ready, so when she finds out it isn't real, she'll be tired, so that'll give you a head start...or she'll be really pissed off and will get a boost cause of her anger. Added bonus: Anyone else who overhears you and waits, attacks at the ready.

6. (Told you this list would be longer) Treat her like a maid, and when she questions it, tell her the dress is a giveaway. How to live: Okay, this time, instead of sending her sister to calm her down, nick her scissors and fight off Suiseiseki. Failing that, run. Or bribe the devil into letting you hide in hell. Of course, you'd then have to go there when you died, but it's a small price to pay to avoid the wrath of Suiseiseki, third of the Rozen Maiden dolls. Added bonus: Again, anyone else who wears the same/a similar dress, and all maids out there.

7. Frame her for murder, but before she's about to be sent to jail, jump out and shout 'APIRL FOOLS!' How to live: Well, when she tries to attack you, the cops in the court room will restrain her, so that'll give you a head start in running. But, when she's that angry, she'll fight 'em off in a few seconds, so start running as soon as the place is in dumbstruck silence after your announcement. Added bonus: Oh, just the entire courthouse.

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Thank you. I hope this was funny. If it wasn't, meet me at the following (fictional) address for revenge:

FFnet City

luv2write and laugh's house

FF13 18NP

I'll be waiting. But, while I wait, I'll write another (not) funny chapter that will give you more reason to go to the above address.

Next time: Souseiseki


	4. Souseiseki

How to Annoy a Rozen Maiden and Live

Suiseiseki: GET BACK HERE!

EEP! WHILE I'M RUNNING AWAY FROM A PISSED OFF SUISEISEKI, ENJOY-AHHH! SHE'S THROWING FOOD!-THIS FUNNY-AHHH! A BREAD ROLL!-OR NOT CHAPTER! AHHH! SPAGHETTI!

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1. Draw on her scissors. How to live: Souseiseki's a lot calmer than her sister and won't be annoyed so easily, but, hearing that it happened to her sister as well, Suiseiseki will force her to chase after you in revenge. Added bonus: Suiseiseki. And Hina.

2. Though it won't really get a reaction since, like I said above, Souseiseki doesn't get annoyed easily, you could steal something from her. Like her hat or her scissors. How to live: Pretty much she won't react, but Suiseiseki will definitely do something. Added bonus: Suiseiseki will definitely do something. About everything.

3. (Credit for this one goes to Anonymous Fishy-chan) Tell her that if she's ever paired up with a girl in fanfiction, it's automatically yuri, and if she's paired up with a guy, it's automatically yaoi. How to live: Run from both of the twins. Added bonus: Suiseiseki will have taken her sister's scissors and will try to cut off your butt while you run. Or a foot.

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As I said, she isn't easily annoyed. So this is a really short chapter. Plus, I think I'm coming down with writer's block. Also...Damn you Souseiseki!

Suiseiseki: THERE YOU ARE!

Damn, I thought I'd lost her! Till next time...IF I'M STILL AROUND TO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER!

Next time (Maybe): Shinku


	5. Shinku

How to Annoy a Rozen Maiden and Live

Okay, I know you were all bored last chapter, but this chapter, I promise will be better. And yes, since I am writing this, I survived Suiseiseki. YAY! ^_^

EDIT: Sorry **Starrypaw** for the mix up.

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1. Tell her that her green bow and red dress clash badly. How to live: Well, it won't cause too much damage, since Shinku can keep her cool, but I'd still run, just in case. Added Bonus: Nobody and Nothing. Well, maybe Rozen, but that seems unlikely.

(The next four are suggestions. Credit for the first three go to **Fan of Games**, and the last goes to **Starrypaw**. These have been copied and pasted straight from their reviews. No edits/changes have been made to them, whatsoever.)

2. Tell her that Rozen (Father) said that she doesn't deserve to be Alice because she's was mean to Suigintou by satisfying her own ego by looking down on her. How to live: Prove it to her by asking Suigintou if it's the truth. When she says it's the truth, Shinku can't do anything to you. Added bonus: Suigintou telling everyone else about what Shinku did.

3. Trick her into playing the first Fatal Frame game. After she beats the entire game, tell her that the game was based on a true story, and show her the cover of the box to prove that you're telling the truth. How to live: Shinku will most likely have nightmares, so she'll probably be too focused on them. Added bonus: The nightmares that Shinku will have.

4. (sequal to 2) Have her close her eyes. When her eyes are closed, put the blind lady (from the first Fatal Frame game) in front of her, and then tell her to open her eyes. How to live: Don't make a sound, or the blind lady will come after you! Added bonus: The blind lady will chase Shinku, since Shinku will scream.

5. Take her KunKun and shred him right infront of her. How to live: Run, run and run. Did I mention that you had to run? Oh and, one more, before I forget. Run. ^_^ Added bonus: The other rabid KunKun fan-dolls...and every other rabid KunKun fan in the world. Warning: If you don't run fast enough, make sure you have your tombstone picked out and pre-paid. And a will, you have to have a will.

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That's it. Most of them were suggestions from reviewers. Thank you **Fan of Games **and **Starrypaw**! More suggestions would be helpful for next chapter. I hope that your sides are splitting. ^_^

Next time: Hinaichigo


End file.
